Written by Aagam Shah, Edited by Naaz Abdul Khadar
“Pray at least! Don’t just stand!” My brother ordered me. “I did. I just don’t show it” I cleared my position. My relationship with GOD has always troubled others. Most just take it that I hate Him or maybe He did something very bad to me. I agree with neither. But at the same time as a realist I am not shy of admitting that His presence is not needed.
Anyway, however complicated the equation between God and I might be, it still won’t affect me because maybe I prefer to have complications over insanity. Enough about Him! So it’s a Sunday night. An empty slate. A wind of peace. It has somehow become harder for me to fill these empty pages now, not that my thoughts have gone all rubbish but maybe it’s just the mind not allowing itself to do anything else after the struggle of whole week. But stubbornness has never left me and the mind can’t help but rebel at the stagnation hence the words fall to place anyhow. We just entered a new year leaving behind the old one with all its deeds (Karmas, right?) and some unfinished business. It didn’t become stale, but we just needed a new name to start again. To start afresh. Many take the tougher path of resolutions on this occasion but I, being ever inconsistent with myself, can’t imagine my lazy self bound by a fictitious promise. Yes it’s the biggest festival of our country. With all its eye catching lights, noisy fireworks, delicious dishes, and godly wishes, the conventional rituals of it, it wows all of us in its aura. I am not a festive guy per se, but still it wouldn’t kill me to be a part of it for once or twice.
Basically what we all do is for the Almighty in the end (Yes, we’re back to Him!). I am not sceptic in the matter of God and nor His firm believer but I have my ways with Him. I have never doubted His existence but also haven’t ever relied upon Him. So if there is a prayer going on I’ll be the one with my eyes open. Why suddenly the GOD talk? No reason in particular but I thought I’d just prove that I am not on the opposite side, it’s just that I am just not fully on his side. However independent we pretend we are, we’ll always be living with a somewhat odd belief that HE is watching us.
Some call it hope. I? A mere reliance and to some extent- a dependency out of fear. But if He is really keeping the watch, then what’s the fear for? I’ll leave that on you guys to decide. Which leaves me at question myself, not that I hate him nor I deny His grace, but we all need a stand, don’t we?
